Vows, Shadow Vows, and the Soul
Many years ago I was captivated by the second-century Roman tale of Amor and Psyche, unique in the western tradition because the soul, Psyche, is a dramatis personae. When the story begins, Psyche is a beautiful, tender, and naïve girl-bride. It does not last long. What ensues is a story of deception, betrayal, abandonment, suicidal despair, and torment—yet by surviving her trials, Psyche becomes a soul.
Although Psyche’s story is full of torment, she is guided every step of the way by figures animating the landscape and, Jung might say, emanating from the Self: the god Pan, ants, a river reed, Zeus’ eagle, and a tower. A potent invisible helper is tall, proud Artemis, the fierce Greek divinity of wilderness and childbirth. The gods are present for Psyche. She finds the courage to go on.
It may sound like a hero’s journey, but it is not. Psyche’s life is shaped by the ordeal of marriage. Yes, ordeal. The deception, betrayal, abandonment, suicidal despair, and torment arise from and within intimate relationship. Love, no matter how difficult, is necessary to the soul.
The story of Amor and Psyche dramatizes the difficulties of love and love offers unsurpassed opportunities to explore the shadow: what we give up, leave behind, and forget too much in adapting to social expectations. Like many Jungians, I have discovered that exploring my shadow—the footfalls that “echo on the vaults below” —gives shape and substance to conscious life.
Imagine, if you will, hiking in the mountains as dusk approaches. When sunlight arrives slant as it does at the end of a day, the contours of the landscape appear more distinct with seemingly higher peaks and deeper valleys. Just so, exploring the shadowy areas of any profound relationship throws our conscious, spoken commitments into high relief. Just what, exactly, have I vowed? and Am I living up to or in to my vows—or were they empty of meaning then and now?
The shadowy valleys, deep and still, are full of our unconscious, unvoiced commitments. I call them shadow vows. They’re formed from the assumptions, beliefs, and fantasies we bring to marriage. Sometimes without knowing it.
Vows and shadow vows form the contours of marriage, its peaks and the valleys. If we seek a profound relationship with our beloved, we will traverse each and every one of them, over time.
It will be a slow journey, with moments of confusion and doubt, but also joy and delight. We will discover the shadow within our self and in the beloved; perhaps we’ll learn kindness and humor. Ultimately, when we come to understand the sacred nature of commitment we will cherish the soul’s devotion, the labor of loving. all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
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